Friday, December 2, 2011
I'm feeling lost these days. Uncertain about the present or the future. Before I was always content with my present and the future was something yet to come, never expect, but always look forward to. Now I find myself falling back into myself, escaping from the current reality I'm living. It's not a bad life I'm living, I just feel so unsettled. I know I need to find a new place soon. My job and career is no longer pleasing. It's simply monotonous and the flicker of passion that I showed for so long is losing it's luster. Maybe it's just the school I'm working in by I have a feeling it's not. I was feeling this way a bit before I left Korea as well. So if I start over. Start with something else that I can make a living from. What do I start with? Where do I start. This is a new road...and while I'm now beginning used to traveling these first steps are always the hardest to take. Especially since I have no backup plan, no idea really where or how to proceed. I could go home for a bit but the last time I did I felt like a caged animal and with me unable to pay my loans for the past 6-7 months I'm sure I'm in or will be in default and they will be looking for me. I'm just feeling lost these days. I need to find a way to open my eyes and see the light at the end of the tunnel.. or perhaps close my eyes and really find what that inner passion is and then open my eyes and leap across the barrier..whatever it is. But that passion is eluding me. I want to feel alive again.