Friday, September 2, 2011

Arriving to Istanbul and seeking a purpose

As I gazed across the sea I realized I made a complete circle.
While it was the end of one journey it was just the beginning of  another one.

I arrived to Istanbul on August 18th with a lot of traveling under my belt from the first time I got on the bus heading out of Istanbul towards Goreme in March. 

Looking back it's been kind of an amazing and eye opening trip. I learned a lot and especially learned that I'm resilient and don't give points living without any money at all. I can think my friends and family for their support for helping me through those rough points.  It's pretty cool to say that I took a trip by foot (boat as well) around the Black Sea.   If I were to do this again I'd definately budget for a specific trip and time frame to make sure I could enjoy each place thoroughly and..I think I'd try to have my accomodations planned ahead of time and leave my computer at home if at all possible. Why..well I spent a lot of my time looking for accomodations in McDonalds during a lot of my trip. Suffice to say, I've eaten A LOT of cheeseburgers on this trip.

I was able to get over some things I wanted to get over..somewhat. Now that I've traveled I find myself stuck in some kinda bubble looking out. I feel I'm without purpose now. I'm lonely..but not sure I want to be with anybody.  I'm not completely anti-social since arriving to Istanbul. I've organized a cooking group event that went really well. I've been out dancing at another event. I'll have hosted 5 Couchsurfers in my home by my 3rd week living here, I've even gotten some nice photos here and there. Yet I still feel like just escaping the world.  I'm not sure how to get over there feeling of having nothing wrong ..or something but not being able to pinpoint it. I'm doing what I can to get myself involved in the community but a lot of times I just want to escape into my computer in my room and avoid social situations all together. I arrived during the end of Ramadan but never went out once even though I know I could have gotten great shots. I just don't feel inspired to do anything at all so I make efforts to force myself to do things but I long for the days ...when it was obvious I was filled with energy and ideas..eager to go out and find new and amazing things. What happened to this zest?  How can I get it back?    

So this is my status at the moment..despite being in a great new city with endless opportunities I feel lost. I hope I'll soon find myself and exit this state of mind.

Where does it go, across the sea all alone?   

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